i pick up coz i thought it don't have any effect on me anymore

i received one unexpected call. but i guess i know what's the occasion. it was his birthday yesterday. he could be suddenly remember me.

i don't want to say anything.
don't want to bother, or whatever.
don't want to ask question,

i just want to keep quite. so he'll hang up

but i didn't.

why does it bother me so much?
why do i have to answer his call?
do i really not over him yet?
this is really upsetting me.
this is really make me want to cry.
I havn't cry for such a long time.
ever since i swear to hate him. but why now?

do Allah want to put some test on me?
i'm such a weak heart.... i can't take this anymore.
does my doa have anything to do with this? but he don't want to take the next step.

pls, do not torture me anymore with this.
in dire need of speaking to somebody right now. if only i have somebody to talk to.