28.2.2019

So today is the last day of February of 2019.

I seriously do not know how or what to write but I haven't been writing for a while so I need to let that out and try to commit to my journal writing again. So far I am not sure how many of this 2019 have been documented.

So I shall write what had happen since the last date I write, right?

Ok here goes.

1) Tender my resignation letter on 1st February 2019. I am now servicing my notice of 2 months, while I wish to just shortened it to 1 month but I cannot. I have been asking if I can request to shorten it, but my superior said that he still need to get the replacement for me and to train. I told him I am willing to hand-over to either my colleague, but he said there's no need. Up to him.

2) I notice that I have a crush on somebody. I always think this person is extra nice to me, but I believe that this is just not for me. Then there's one day suddenly he wave to me while I'm walking out to the guard house. Too cute. Also, the next few day he came to my office talking to my superior, then on his way out knock my table and so I look at him. I smile, he smile and he ask me why I am still not back at 5.30 (only gesture by pointing at his watch while smiling). I also reply to him using only gesture, showing him that I will go back at 6pm. So, the next few days (weekend) I was crushing on him and wish he's not yet married. I don't know for sure if he is indeed married.

3) I need to let out this feeling of unsatisfactory in my chest. I believe writing it out shall help, isn't it? Okay, since this is just a rant out writing, I will just rant out what I feel so much these days.
I really hate the people I met and surround myself with. Maybe I thought I was so smarter than everyone else so whatever I said won't be understood by them. I know this is sick and I am not like that, but the humanity and people are so frustratingly annoying to me. I can only pretend to be happy while in my head I am depressed to the core. I can't find somebody to talk to. I can't discuss my business plan. I am so poor to even venture out on my own. One of the reason I hate this place so much is because I don't think my superior can be a good leader. I actually give up on everything I have to face here. He never discuss or include us in anything and expect us to do just what?
The truth is I hate my life. It is so depressing. At least I need somebody to talk to.
Everybody around me just useless.