It's a history that I am writing here again.
I just hate it very very very much.
Stupid Fizul.
Why am I feeling like this?
Then there's Hafeez who suddenly won't talk to me. Tengah penuh air & very tired dia kata. How dare you.
Then there's Reza, yang keep pestering me and keep calling me to go out with him. I will feel really guilty if I go and ask him out tomorrow just because I'm angry with Fizul. Stupid Fizul.
Then there's Izwan. the married man that sometimes there and sometimes gone. Aku cakap dgn dia nak ikut pegi Copenhagen. He knows I'm joking. I hope he's joking too, since his wife probably not coming too.
I need to do my report but I can't do it if I didn't clear my head of Fizul.
How dare him message me at 12.19 and pretend that everything is okay and just because I'm angry because of my period. I blocked him.
Why am I feeling like this for a guy I've never meet. Somebody I never even want to have anything to do with too. Somebody I even lie to.
Help me Allah. I don't want to feel this and I don't want to be trapped like this. Unfortunately the whatsapp and instagram (and facebook but I dont use that) are down. I cant talk to anybody. I even message my friend on tiktok.
I am trying to do work but I need to clear my head of him, that's why I can't. I don't know what he want, I don't know what I want or why am I so angry with him, probably I've never been ignored this hard. So I went to bed with my head still full of him and my back ache, my legs are tired and you know, the symptom of period pain. I blocked him and he don't even know. That really pisses me off big time. I want him to know THAT I IGNORE HIM!!! I guess it is ego for me. That is why I need to wait that he wakes up, go to work, and at 11 think about me and find out that I WAS PISSED AND BLOCKED HIM. 12 HOURS. The torture!
Anyway, hopefully I can finish my report so I can take leave tomorrow.
P/S: I wake up at 5.30 and can't go back to sleep. I wake up at 5.30 to edit this. Still angry.
5-Oct-2021
