this post for that one guy that get my hate more than I ever thought I would

 So I answered to this guy dm. At first I ignored him but something about tweet that I accidentally look back at his and feel like I should. Then I checked his dm, and saw that he in fact dm me in Oct 24. So I send him ngl, but he knows it was from me. so I replied to him, who knows we bond over unrecruited love and football. So I went out with him for few times. I think he is ok since he is quite a nice guy. boy how mistaken I was.

From the case of deleted chat, and me tweeting angry stuff at him, to him reactivating and now blocking me everywhere I wish I am more mature than this but I hate not having closure. So I finally said all the angry and stupid stuff so I am more than happy to remove him completely out of my life. 

his name is luqman hadri bin hasri, email luqman.hadri@gmail.com. remember this cause I will conduct some petty revenge on his ass soon. how dare he block me just from the text I said I want to ask something? I hate the hell of him and I hope he live a miserable life. 

May 2025

 I guess this is how i write my blog now. I need to write and I need my diary but I can't just talk to everyone. 

It's 8-May-2025 now and I am in library. It was raining so it is so cold her right now. I don't know what am I doing but I need to be doing something honestly. 

May 2024

I am in a cafe but I am starving. This cafe used to be better. no so bad. i guess there's not so many people. but how come you are a coffee shop but u don't have any food???

ok i am at Celcius Coffee. It used to be nice here. It's close to Zus i guess that's why tak ramai here. but the environment and vibe here is better. the problem is they do not have food other than cakes. I saw the menu, and i even had some before. the corner of this coffee shop is not cemented. they put some small stones 

There's a lot of people doing work here though. I think this is a good place to lepak but i just have to make sure I'm already full before I can lepak here. 

ok made some appointment today so I have to leave sebab lapar.

I need to think of what story I am gonna write, and what essay I want t write about. I used to be able to concern about more stuff but these days I have no energy to do that. The Maslow's hierarchy, I am not able to fulfill the base line yet.

hopefully everything will be okay. nak cari makan.

Twitter rant Dec 2023

 

Arianna 

@_Ari4nn4_

·Dec 1, 2023 Yeah, I reactivate because I'm horny

Arianna

@_Ari4nn4_

·

Dec 1, 2023

That was my canon event what do u mean that's my most played song of the year

Quote

𝒴

@ysmammri

·

Nov 29, 2023

ion like spotify wrapped bc i’ll have one manic episode in feb where i listened to a song 200 times n that b my so called fave song of the yr

1

531

whatsapp and instagram down and I dont have anybody to turn to

It's a history that I am writing here again.

I just hate it very very very much. 

Stupid Fizul.

Why am I feeling like this?

Then there's Hafeez who suddenly won't talk to me. Tengah penuh air & very tired dia kata. How dare you.

Then there's Reza, yang keep pestering me and keep calling me to go out with him. I will feel really guilty if I go and ask him out tomorrow just because I'm angry with Fizul. Stupid Fizul.

Then there's Izwan. the married man that sometimes there and sometimes gone. Aku cakap dgn dia nak ikut pegi Copenhagen. He knows I'm joking. I hope he's joking too, since his wife probably not coming too. 

I need to do my report but I can't do it if I didn't clear my head of Fizul.

How dare him message me at 12.19 and pretend that everything is okay and just because I'm angry because of my period. I blocked him.

Why am I feeling like this for a guy I've never meet. Somebody I never even want to have anything to do with too. Somebody I even lie to.

Help me Allah. I don't want to feel this and I don't want to be trapped like this. Unfortunately the whatsapp and instagram (and facebook but I dont use that) are down. I cant talk to anybody. I even message my friend on tiktok.

I am trying to do work but I need to clear my head of him, that's why I can't. I don't know what he want, I don't know what I want or why am I so angry with him, probably I've never been ignored this hard. So I went to bed with my head still full of him and my back ache, my legs are tired and you know, the symptom of period pain. I blocked him and he don't even know. That really pisses me off big time. I want him to know THAT I IGNORE HIM!!! I guess it is ego for me. That is why I need to wait that he wakes up, go to work, and at 11 think about me and find out that I WAS PISSED AND BLOCKED HIM. 12 HOURS. The torture!

Anyway, hopefully I can finish my report so I can take leave tomorrow.

P/S: I wake up at 5.30 and can't go back to sleep. I wake up at 5.30 to edit this. Still angry.

5-Oct-2021

Sometimes I feel like I just want to die

 I hope this blog will not emerge when I'm about to get my nobel prize one day. or when I decide that I shall be the Prime Minister or President or something.

I can't be more depressed that I already am, can I?

Remember when I was at the lowest point in my life? This ain't so much different either. I feel so hopeless, things like moving nowhere. I'm going nowhere. Sometimes I just want some human touch. I need to talk to people. At least some people who want to talk to me.

My family ignore me. Friend? Do I have any?

Sometimes I feel really lonely.

Sometimes I just want to meet new people sometimes I'm just too afraid.

Sometimes it's too painful.

Sometimes I crave human interaction. I need to feel needed. I want to be wanted. I want to be included.

People are mean.

I hate people.

26-Nov-2020.

p/s: I just confirm today that I didn't pay for my road tax since 18-Sept-2020.