I have been posting about running out of time for so many time this year.
This one post by Serina saying that we are stressed because we are rushing. God is not rushing.
Of course! what are you expecting?! I am rushing because I can die. It's not like I can live forever.
Sometimes I just don't understand how those people who are god-abiding people, really see life is.
What do you expect me to live as.
Just live and wait for my life to end?
Never want to achieve anything?
I don't understand how to feel satisfaction with the life like that.
People said it's by giving, by wishing you can life well in the afterlife. The permanent life.
Ok but how?
If I can't even help myself now, how do I help others? How do I do good?
People said, just let god take the steering and He knows what's best for me.
Like how?
Is not able to eat is the best life I can do?
Feeling unhappy, unsatisfied, and wish I can just die or reset every single day of my life?
I really don't know much thing.
I wish I know.
Monday 24 December 2018
I wish I can just run and disappear
I really hate it here.
With my heart. With every cell in my being.
So I wish, i wish to just run and disappear.
Just disappear.
Just.
Disappear.
Puff!
20-Dec-2018
Klang.
With my heart. With every cell in my being.
So I wish, i wish to just run and disappear.
Just disappear.
Just.
Disappear.
Puff!
20-Dec-2018
Klang.
Saturday 15 December 2018
what is life
I'm sorry that all my latest post is about how depressing life is, because life is depressing. At least mine is.
Have you ever wake up and look at your life, and see how you didn't live to your full potential and feel extremely upset. As I grew older, i find it so true. I look back to my life and see how lonely it has become and in the end whatever i fight for is never worth it. Because, face it, it never materialized and in the end you are just this sad old woman, angry and upset all the time. Angry with the world for not happening according to your plan, and you can't do anything about it.
I wanted so much to change the life I live to be glorious, full of good things, helping people, be extraordinary. I challenged the stigma that you need to know somebody to be somebody. I try to do it on my own. Never ask anything from anyone. Never ask for help or anything.
.....but in the end, I'm still alone, still unsuccessful, still doing nothing, going nowhere, still need help from everybody around me.
I feel so useless.
I feel so worthless.
I wonder if life should just end.
Now.
What is apocalypse just happen now. So I don't have to think about life anymore.
end.
15-dec-18
Have you ever wake up and look at your life, and see how you didn't live to your full potential and feel extremely upset. As I grew older, i find it so true. I look back to my life and see how lonely it has become and in the end whatever i fight for is never worth it. Because, face it, it never materialized and in the end you are just this sad old woman, angry and upset all the time. Angry with the world for not happening according to your plan, and you can't do anything about it.
I wanted so much to change the life I live to be glorious, full of good things, helping people, be extraordinary. I challenged the stigma that you need to know somebody to be somebody. I try to do it on my own. Never ask anything from anyone. Never ask for help or anything.
.....but in the end, I'm still alone, still unsuccessful, still doing nothing, going nowhere, still need help from everybody around me.
I feel so useless.
I feel so worthless.
I wonder if life should just end.
Now.
What is apocalypse just happen now. So I don't have to think about life anymore.
end.
15-dec-18
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