Sick of trying

I'm sick of trying.

I just want to make an honest friend.

I just want a friend that can be friend unconditionally.

I am a very good friend, but if you can't be a friend to support me when I'm down, I just don't want to be too supportive.

I just want somebody who would want to put same effort as I did in friendship.

Is it too difficult to ask?

LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!

AAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I hate it. I am so stress that I can't tell this to anyone, but shit! shit! shit!

I hate doing the explosive things because that's not my thing.

I hate doing follow up for things people don't want to do.

I hate it.

I want to do something else. 

But they ask somebody who don't want to do that for the things which I want.

I need a purpose.

I need a sense of direction.

Btw I am soooooo angry talking to my sister I come out with this s#!+.

[10:44 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: omg sy stress betul la! stress sgt!

[10:44 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy nk ckp je sbb sy xde org nk ckp dgn sy nih

[10:50 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sama stress

[10:50 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Jom la stress sama2

[11:08 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy kan....

[11:08 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy kan study energy management

[11:08 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy buat renewable energy

[11:08 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: green energy

[11:08 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sustainability

[11:09 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: lps tu diorg suruh sy buat o&g pny

[11:09 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy dh la x suka

[11:09 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: then, ktrg mmg ada psl eco label

[11:09 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pasal green engine

[11:09 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: green procurement

[11:09 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: tp dia suruh org lain buat

[11:09 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org tu x suka pulak

[11:09 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy mcm geramnya!!!!!!

[11:10 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy kena cakap dgn siapa nih?!

[11:11 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy mcm nak jerit!

[11:11 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy kalau dpt master sy, sy dh apply job lain dah

[11:11 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: ya Allah geramnya

[11:11 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sbb tu sy perlu duit tuh

[11:11 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: perlu byr maintenance, dgn credit card, so sy blh handle benda2 mcm nih

[11:12 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy sbnrya bnyk giler masalah sy xde siapa boleh bincang

[11:12 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: 😔

[11:12 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: 😢

[11:12 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy ckp dgn sorang lelaki nih, sy ckp sy xde kawan, dia kata sy x anggap sy kawan

[11:12 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: masalahnya,

[11:12 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: masalahnya

[11:13 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy mcm omg sy ada masalah nih ko nk bg aku pinjam duit ke?

[11:13 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: benda ni in circle

[11:13 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: takkan sy nk pnjm duit utk cover hutang saya?

[11:13 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: then benda tu sama je

[11:14 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: lgpun dia siapa sy nk bincang masalah duit

[11:14 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: geram la sy

[11:14 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: dgn family pun sy tak cerita, dia siapa

[11:14 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy tetiba ayah sy mntk tolong sy pulak

[11:14 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy mntk akk sy settle tp dia buat tak tau

[11:15 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy nk biar benda ni jd masalah org lain, tp dia xnk amik tau sy nk buat apa. dah la sy kesian ayah saya.

[11:15 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: omg aliya, sorry la sy bombard awak

[11:15 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: tp sy cuma perlu cakap sikit je dgn somebody

[11:16 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: awk x perlu fikirkan pun.

[11:16 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy perlu gaji besar

[11:16 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sy taktau nak ckp mcm mana. Sbb masalah duit adalah mslh besar sy

[11:16 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Dlm bank sy ada ringgit2 je

[11:16 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: tp sy x blh la kepala sy sakit mcm nk pecah

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Nak pergi interview pun tak mampu

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sy tukar semua duit foreign yg sy ada

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sy pun harapkan tiew tu sebenanrnya

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Tp takpe la, mungkin kena cari client lain

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: diorg ni dok komplen pasal org lain dpt bonus bnyk

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy nih duit pun takde!!

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: saya geram betul

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: camne sy nk fokus

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: lol sy buat gak tu hr tuh

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Takpe nordiana sy boleh baca

[11:17 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy jual insurance sy, etc

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sy ada emas je sikit

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: awk jgn risau sy paham jugak

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Tu pun emas reward jual teh

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy ada emas mak sy

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: haha confirm xleh buat apa

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: sil balik mlm td. Lambat sampai sbb nak avoid dr jumpa sy

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: dont worry sy cuma nk luahkan skt je

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sbb bila sy kata sy takde kwn sy mmg rasa lonely abis

[11:18 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Pagi td terserempak

[11:19 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Dia mcm buat xtau je

[11:19 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy rasa i'm so alone in this

[11:19 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur Aliya Nasruddin: Lalu sblh abg dia buat dek tak salam pun

[11:19 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: awk abaikan je sil tuh

[11:19 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Kalau ada problem dgn sy ok la. Tp jgn kurang ajar dgn abg ko

[11:19 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sama la masa tuh

[11:20 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: masa tu sy tak byr hutang sy sbb sy perlu makan, interview, etc

[11:20 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: jgn harap sgt dkt tiew tuh

[11:21 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sbb tu sy tny hr tu, masa awal2 hr tu dia nk ke? dia sanggup ke

[11:21 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: awk kata dia ok je, dia mmg nak

[11:21 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: bgtau harga dia mcm ok.. tp bila bg quotation dia senyap

[11:21 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sbb tu awal2 dh bgtau dulu hr tu

[11:21 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: hmm...

[11:21 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sbb sy bgtau dia sy taknak hanky panky

[11:21 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: No shortcut

[11:22 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sbb tu dia senyap

[11:22 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: dia xnk audit tu kan

[11:22 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: dia ada dpt auditor lain ke

[11:23 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: maksud sy consultant lain

[11:23 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: kalau dia xnk xpa sy x kisah pun

[11:23 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: dia yg nk bomba

[11:24 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy perlu buat project management ni sbb project manager sy mcm xtau how to be a project manager je

[11:25 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy kan ada hutang bnyk giler dgn adik sy sbb sy repair keta guna duit dia

[11:27 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Dia kata, kalau boleh auditor takpayah dtg kilang, check doc saja

[11:27 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Ni aspek security, sy taknak nnt jd apa2

[11:28 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Bos dia nak timeline sbb bos dia boleh ckp, boleh i tengok problem apa2 kat part u atau kita. Sy mcm eh. Mcm ni ke consultation job???

[11:29 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: timeline mmg kena bg

[11:29 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: tp, dh dia senyap lps quotation sy pun mls la bg timeline

[11:29 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: citer lain la aliya, sy nk luah perasaan je td

[11:29 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy tatau nk jerit kat siapa

[11:31 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Jerit kat sini

[11:31 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sy literally jerit sopan

[11:33 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: takleh, ada colleague sy

[11:34 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy dah la x bwk earphone

[11:34 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Pegi toilet

[11:34 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Jeriy

[11:34 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: xpe la sy ok je

[11:34 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Masuk kete, jerit kat sini

[11:34 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sy ada earfon ni

[11:34 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Ala jerit la please

[11:34 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sy bg 2 jeritan

[11:35 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Sy solat hajat supaya sy dpt 1 juta pun cukup

[11:36 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Nnt sy bg kat awk kalau Allah makbulkan

[11:36 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: Awk nak berapa k?

[11:36 AM, 8/2/2019] Nur: 😅

[11:42 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy nk byr hutang je, pastu sy blh hidup biasa je

[11:42 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: ni sy bergaduh pulak dgn akk sy

[11:42 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: dia ni mmg xphm org lain dan tak nak paham

[11:42 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pastu kata setan la apa la

[11:47 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: kufur la...

[11:47 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy kan... mmg la degil skt, tp sy kalau blh nk dunia jadi lebih baik utk semua org tu je

[11:47 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy ni, snobbish ke?

[11:47 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: atau berlagak ke

[11:48 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: atau tak bersyukur ke

[11:48 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy selalu hari2 tny diri saya

[11:48 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: tp akk sy selalu ckp sy mcm tu

[11:48 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy x sesuai ada kat sini

[11:48 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy kalau share knowledge kata sy rasa pandai

[11:49 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: abis.... kalau benda betul ke.. sy nk kena diam ke?

[11:49 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pastu suka cakap sy provoke

[11:49 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy cam tu ke?

[11:49 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy x paham la

[11:49 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy teruk sgt ke

[11:49 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: kdg2 sy xnk la share pasal benda2 yg mcm sy tau

[11:50 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sbb nnt kata sy suka berlagak mcm pandai

[11:50 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pastu suka downkan org lain

[11:50 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy camtu ke?

[11:50 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: kalau mcm tu, nnt sy share la gossip pulak

[11:50 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pun kata saya suka gossip

[11:50 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy teruk sgt ke

[11:51 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: abis sy nk citer pasal anak ke? sy xde anak

[11:51 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: kalau sy ckp psl anak, pasal ajar anak ke, xleh nnt igt sy mcm pandai2 sgt

[11:51 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy geram betul la

[11:51 AM, 8/2/2019] 👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sy ni tak pasal2 cakap pasal family pulak

The world is so unfair!

I don't want to be a busybody. A telltale... but I can't keep this in my head anymore.

With all this problem and issue I had to face on my own...

So I was checking some files
I found that the new auditor never attached any audit notes for auditing...

This give me such a headache. How did the section head manage this now?
The section is in chaos.
And this licensee has history of misuse of label. They are now even in the news for misused of label.

The guy's name is REZAUDDIN HAFIZ BIN ZAINAL.
How did you do the audit without doing the audit notes?
The disadvantage of using online system.

There's another case yesterday.

[7:34 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org kan tgh tulis blog
[7:35 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sbb td takleh tahan benda salah depan mata pastu takleh nak citer
[7:35 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org pi check file auditor sbb ada kes salah guna label.
[7:35 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pastu bila tgk, auditor tak ada audit notes pun utk file tu
[7:36 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sblm ni tgk ada file auditor mana ntah, takde certification report, test report tak pernah renew untuk 10 tahun....
[7:36 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: macam eh teruknya sirim ih
[7:38 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Isk, mcm terukje
[7:38 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: ya Allah Ariza.....
[7:38 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: i feel so bad sgt
[7:38 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Kak d santai, tapi dh knowledgable dah
[7:38 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: condition diorg nih
[7:38 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: takleh selamat kut condition sirim nih
[7:38 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pastu kan
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: kitrg kena buat satu scheme baru
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: tp tapi tapi.....
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: 😂
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: since last year takde sesiapa yg follow up
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: documents bersepah
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Pulak
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Pic semua mana
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org taknak kena sabtu ahad, but with this codnition....
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pastu
[7:39 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: job tu bukan org bukan job
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org ni ada consultant as project coordinator
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: section head as project manager
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org ni as secretariat je
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: but.....
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: takde sesiapa follow
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: up
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: sblm ni ckp diana kena meeting
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pehal
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: bila tgk semua kelam kabut
[7:40 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org mmg la blh buat job tu but this is not my job
[7:41 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: the project manager is the one supposed to do this
[7:41 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org nk buat, tp serba salah nh
[7:41 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: karang overstepping head plk
[7:41 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: smlm dh la marah dgn colleague
[7:41 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: diorg pi ngulor pastu customer dtg org kena jwb semua
[7:41 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: hr ni mls nk tgk diorg
[7:42 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Napa macam semua tak buat kje
[7:42 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Depa semua buat apa ni
[7:42 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: haha sorry dah tak payah tulis blog nih, dah tulis semua kat sini
[7:42 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Xfhm
[7:42 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: i dont know la ariza
[7:42 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: pastu tgk pulak kat facebook, diorg ni mcm berjaya sgt
[7:43 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: keje tak buat tp berjaya sgt
[7:43 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: hmmm...
[7:43 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Bjya buat bnda lain ke
[7:43 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Jgn tgklaa
[7:43 PM, 7/19/2019] Ariza Nawi Rinjani: Dh tertgk eh😂
[7:43 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: hr tu tgk dgn report x suruh update, cert report tak masukkan dah 5 tahun kut takkan la sampai skrg tak sempat jugak
[7:44 PM, 7/19/2019] diana👩🏻‍💻👷🏽‍♀: org dulu update semua cert report sbb prosee transfer dr manual ke online tu bnyk data tak capture

OMG! I told you I can't stand by in the present of injustice.

29 March 2019

Today isn't a good day. As always, when I decide to write.

I fight with people on the internet. I fight with a friend through whatsapp. I fight against a friend i met only once. Etc.

I can't focus. I can't read. I can't clean up my house. I can't sleep properly.

I can't do a lot of thing.

It's not helping when your neighbour is doing renovation. 

I was planning to go to Fraser's hill or Cameron Highland but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't even clean my house.

Ok this is going to be long but I don't know where it's going. I am going to buy some dinner and go back for cleaning up and then go out again for Shazam. I should have been applying for job for the past 2 weeks but I didn't do anything. The problem is, I can't read I can't do anything. Shall I quit the internet all together?

I wish I know the answer.

6 March 2019

My Wolverine is having this issue again.

Yesterday as I was driving home from work, I need to overtake a very slow car driving in front of me. So I take the right lane and step on the accelerator. Suddenly the engine light blinking and the car began to shack vigorously when I slowed down. It is really upsetting, but what can I do... I have been neglecting the care for so many months now. I even skip the regular service until almost 2 months later.

So this morning I skip work to go to the workshop. Actually, I plan to take just a few hours off, but I am too scared about the damage to my car that I have been delaying it so much. I also plan to just take the day off.

What I don't expect is people looking for me in the office. First is Shal when actually it is Atun looking for some documents or something. Then suddenly my "friend" AC call me. (It is in "" because he keep mentioning that, nothing more). It was unexpected. I initially don't want to talk to pick up any office call but I just did, wondering what makes him call me. When I said hello suddenly he said he was looking for Shal. I said this is not her, and he knows her number maybe? Then he proceeds by asking me if I'm on leave today which I said I am. He said it is because I live far, which confuses me. Anyway, he said ok and see me tomorrow, which I agree. That's just about 11.40am when it's about to lunch hour. I don't think he accidentally calls me or he doesn't know my colleague's number. I think he purposely calls to make sure I am still working there. I can't say that he misses me that's absurd, even though he seems to be coming to our office every day and finding reasons to talk to me? I don't know, people can be weird.

Anyway, Ida also looks for me, wondering if I'm sick or anything. Don't know that I somehow put some impact on people especially when I am leaving.

Talking about Wolverine, I don't know how much damage did I have to handle. The coil, the bulb, the sensors. Well, later will have to upload the photo of actual cost and what did happen today.

So for today's story, I just want to highlight on these few events that I found interesting. Funnily enough, I have a crush on YF but this AC seems to keep giving me attention.

28.2.2019

So today is the last day of February of 2019.

I seriously do not know how or what to write but I haven't been writing for a while so I need to let that out and try to commit to my journal writing again. So far I am not sure how many of this 2019 have been documented.

So I shall write what had happen since the last date I write, right?

Ok here goes.

1) Tender my resignation letter on 1st February 2019. I am now servicing my notice of 2 months, while I wish to just shortened it to 1 month but I cannot. I have been asking if I can request to shorten it, but my superior said that he still need to get the replacement for me and to train. I told him I am willing to hand-over to either my colleague, but he said there's no need. Up to him.

2) I notice that I have a crush on somebody. I always think this person is extra nice to me, but I believe that this is just not for me. Then there's one day suddenly he wave to me while I'm walking out to the guard house. Too cute. Also, the next few day he came to my office talking to my superior, then on his way out knock my table and so I look at him. I smile, he smile and he ask me why I am still not back at 5.30 (only gesture by pointing at his watch while smiling). I also reply to him using only gesture, showing him that I will go back at 6pm. So, the next few days (weekend) I was crushing on him and wish he's not yet married. I don't know for sure if he is indeed married.

3) I need to let out this feeling of unsatisfactory in my chest. I believe writing it out shall help, isn't it? Okay, since this is just a rant out writing, I will just rant out what I feel so much these days.
I really hate the people I met and surround myself with. Maybe I thought I was so smarter than everyone else so whatever I said won't be understood by them. I know this is sick and I am not like that, but the humanity and people are so frustratingly annoying to me. I can only pretend to be happy while in my head I am depressed to the core. I can't find somebody to talk to. I can't discuss my business plan. I am so poor to even venture out on my own. One of the reason I hate this place so much is because I don't think my superior can be a good leader. I actually give up on everything I have to face here. He never discuss or include us in anything and expect us to do just what?
The truth is I hate my life. It is so depressing. At least I need somebody to talk to.
Everybody around me just useless.

Protagonist

What kind of life is this, where the main lead is leading such a mundane life?

What a boring life. Nothing worth telling. No up and down and no plot twist. It is a very monotonous daily life.

What I know is, if I send this story out in the world, it can never reach that top shelf. Nobody would want to read such a boring story. Even a telling about it is boring. There is no plot. The character is boring. No conflicts to write of about. No plot twist. No emotional climax. To be honest, it's like Truman show but he never find out about the filming and all the actors. I can imagine that there's nobody watching.

Anyway, I do feel like my life is such an annoying story.
Sometimes I just want to end it. and reset.