jam biologi

omg.
apa aku buat pukul 5.50 lom tido nih?
azan subuh dah masuk. sembahyang dulu baru tido?
then, pukul berapa nak pegi keje...? adoi la.

notakaki: aku lom jumpa resit, mcmana nak buat e-filing. instead aku wat benda2 yg tak berkaitain. owh~~

pantry & ikan laga

Kat opis kami ada pantri.
hari ni aku masuk utk breakfast mcm biasa....
Di pantri office kami ada 2 ekor ikan laga, tp akak tu letak dalam 1 balang.
Kesian, br 2 hari dah koyak rabak ekor.
Skrg pun dok kejar-kejar. Takut isnin nanti tinggal seekor je...


Sian...






... dah bgtau kat akak tuh, dia kata takpe ni dah tak kejar-kejar dah. adoi la...

further study

i'd like to further my study. really really.

first i don't know whether to continue in engineering field or science or business and management

then i'm not sure about my pocket capability

then, i dno't know about my time management ability

but then again, i'd really like to continue...

really really..

Insomnia

I think I'm suufering from insomnia, and from wikipedia, it maybe falls under terminal (or late) insomnia.
Here is something about the insomnia and what are the possible causes.

Terminal (or late) insomnia - early morning waking. Often a characteristic of clinical depression.

Then let see what is clinical depression.

Major depressive disorder (also known as clinical depression, major depression, unipolar depression, or unipolar disorder) is a mental disorder characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.

Which I think I have...
Then, let us see some sign and symptoms.

Major depression is a serious illness that affects a person's family and personal relationships, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health.[1] Its impact on functioning and well-being has been equated to that of chronic medical conditions such as diabetes.[2]

A person suffering a major depressive episode usually exhibits a very low mood, which pervades all aspects of life, and an inability to experience pleasure in activities that formerly were enjoyed. Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred.[3] In severe cases, depressed people may have symptoms of psychosis. These symptoms include delusions or, less commonly, hallucinations, usually of an unpleasant nature.[4] Other symptoms of depression include poor concentration and memory (especially in those with melancholic or psychotic features),[5] withdrawal from social situations and activities, reduced sex drive, and thoughts of death or suicide.

Insomnia is common among the depressed. In the typical pattern, a person wakes very early and is unable to get back to sleep.[6] Hypersomnia, or oversleeping, is less common.[6] Appetite often decreases, with resulting weight loss, although increased appetite and weight gain occasionally occur.[3] The person may report multiple physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, or digestive problems; physical complaints are the most common presenting problem in developing countries, according to the World Health Organization's criteria for depression.[7] Family and friends may notice that the person's behavior is either agitated or lethargic.[6]

Depressed children often display an irritable rather than a depressed mood,[3] and show varying symptoms depending on age and situation.[8] Most exhibit a loss of interest in school and a decline in academic performance. They may be described as clingy, demanding, dependent, or insecure.[6] Diagnosis may be delayed or missed when symptoms are interpreted as normal moodiness.[3] Depression may also coincide with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), complicating the diagnosis and treatment of both.[9]

Older depressed persons may have cognitive symptoms of recent onset, such as forgetfulness,[5] and a more noticeable slowing of movements.[10] Depression often coexists with physical disorders common among the elderly, such as stroke, other cardiovascular diseases, Parkinson's disease, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.[11]

Well, I do have history of diabetes within close family members. But not on the psychosis. I dont think I have it that bad.

Should I start getting some treatment? I hope I can overcome my insomnia soon, and be happy again and enjoying my life...

i pick up coz i thought it don't have any effect on me anymore

i received one unexpected call. but i guess i know what's the occasion. it was his birthday yesterday. he could be suddenly remember me.

i don't want to say anything.
don't want to bother, or whatever.
don't want to ask question,

i just want to keep quite. so he'll hang up

but i didn't.

why does it bother me so much?
why do i have to answer his call?
do i really not over him yet?
this is really upsetting me.
this is really make me want to cry.
I havn't cry for such a long time.
ever since i swear to hate him. but why now?

do Allah want to put some test on me?
i'm such a weak heart.... i can't take this anymore.
does my doa have anything to do with this? but he don't want to take the next step.

pls, do not torture me anymore with this.
in dire need of speaking to somebody right now. if only i have somebody to talk to.

i miss somebody~~

I miss somebody and I feel like a fool.

How can I miss somebody I dont even share too much words with?

can I contact him tonight?

will he answer my call...? i mean my FB call only.
But I'm not sure whether he will be online or not... cause....

aish, what is this feeling? Why do I feel this way?

feeling....

I'm not sure what do I feel about him.
I'm not sure whether I like him....
I don't really got the chance to talk to him before.
But why suddenly...?

I feel like a school kid had a crush for the first time.

But the problem is, I'm not sure what do I feel about him....

Maybe I like him cause he's young...?
About my age even though he's abit younger?
He's in the same post with me?
He's continuing his study?
He's from a boarding school, just like me?
He's not that innocent, not that goody-two-shoes....
He's from near-by town, very close to my hometown?
He look as if he's interested.... well, a little..?
I don't know, but I need him to be more blunt. Be more dare...

And I feel a bit jealous, when I saw that they are so close.
urgh!
well, she look much prettier than me... and I'm not in my best condition now.
What shall I do?
And I don't even help the situation by doing what I did on last Saturday...

What I really want to know is, if he's interested or not.
I may be a bit nervous, and awkward. But if he's interested.... than, all will be ok...