i pick up coz i thought it don't have any effect on me anymore

i received one unexpected call. but i guess i know what's the occasion. it was his birthday yesterday. he could be suddenly remember me.

i don't want to say anything.
don't want to bother, or whatever.
don't want to ask question,

i just want to keep quite. so he'll hang up

but i didn't.

why does it bother me so much?
why do i have to answer his call?
do i really not over him yet?
this is really upsetting me.
this is really make me want to cry.
I havn't cry for such a long time.
ever since i swear to hate him. but why now?

do Allah want to put some test on me?
i'm such a weak heart.... i can't take this anymore.
does my doa have anything to do with this? but he don't want to take the next step.

pls, do not torture me anymore with this.
in dire need of speaking to somebody right now. if only i have somebody to talk to.

i miss somebody~~

I miss somebody and I feel like a fool.

How can I miss somebody I dont even share too much words with?

can I contact him tonight?

will he answer my call...? i mean my FB call only.
But I'm not sure whether he will be online or not... cause....

aish, what is this feeling? Why do I feel this way?

feeling....

I'm not sure what do I feel about him.
I'm not sure whether I like him....
I don't really got the chance to talk to him before.
But why suddenly...?

I feel like a school kid had a crush for the first time.

But the problem is, I'm not sure what do I feel about him....

Maybe I like him cause he's young...?
About my age even though he's abit younger?
He's in the same post with me?
He's continuing his study?
He's from a boarding school, just like me?
He's not that innocent, not that goody-two-shoes....
He's from near-by town, very close to my hometown?
He look as if he's interested.... well, a little..?
I don't know, but I need him to be more blunt. Be more dare...

And I feel a bit jealous, when I saw that they are so close.
urgh!
well, she look much prettier than me... and I'm not in my best condition now.
What shall I do?
And I don't even help the situation by doing what I did on last Saturday...

What I really want to know is, if he's interested or not.
I may be a bit nervous, and awkward. But if he's interested.... than, all will be ok...

kita insan biasa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsRXnxjwT2

watch this video.

reminds me that we are normal people, never far from doing mistake.

reminds me of alot of things.

wishing that I can turn back time.

and i shall not be so upset about the things happen today...

bored...

it's such a boring day today.

i don't know what to do, and i don't know what to feel.

i'm hungry but i can't eat much.

i'm tired, but i can't sleep well also. this has to blamed on my neighbour. how could they be so inconsiderate. how can there be such people. i'm thinking of throwing some stone to their house, or yell from my room to tell then to shut up! and switch off the light!

i feel like a stalker... why?
seen the episode of ugly betty where she accidently met with henry, her first love? then, she began to follow him on facebook, try to find out where he is, and what he's doing. basically same with me, except this guy is not my ex. well, i probably have a little crush on him.

so, he's not interested, i got it. but... i dont know, he seems to have a little interest in me. but again, it maybe just on my mind.
what does it on him that i find attractive..? maybe cause he's young, and single.... hahahaha...
but nevermind, if he's not interested, it doesn't matter much to me, it'll just make it easier for me to face him. but he does make my heart beat a lil'.... bit faster you know.. :p
actually, he's into outdoor, he's not so bad looking, he's quite near to my hometown... which i think make it more alluring...

so, i decide to watch the korean series which i still havn't got time to finish yet. it's been quite sometimes, but i just can't find the time. boys over flower.... maybe later. cause now i got hooked up with faizal tahir. music always heal my soul. maybe i'll play some zee avi or lenka's song before bed time tonite.

oh, i forget to tell. i went to the office today, but i only manage to finish one report, which i'm not too sure if its ok also. hmm.. i hate being junior. no, i hate when i feel incompetent. and i don't know who to refer to. i hate asking. and i don't know where to refer to....
i still got another report which i'm supposed to finish by tomorrow morning, so it can be presented on tuesday evening.

i'll be on leave next week cause i need to send my mom for her doc's appointment. and i hate so much that i still havn't got my laptop. and i hate my friend..... for she's being too selfish.
i hate my boss, and i hate my group leader. and i hate mr x, for not returning my affection to him. come on, i just need someone to talk to, who knows the condition there.... :((

my client said that I dont look a day older than 7 years younger of my real age

the title says all...

Am I happy or what.

they don't even believe when I said that I was way past that age.

No boyfriend? why not married yet? are you too choosey? Can't believe that...

hmm.. this only got minimum answer from me.

So, what I like about it is, I believe that I got what I want unintentionally.

I's single by choice, and I'm single and loving every bit of it.

Confused

now i'm confuse.

I'm not sure, which is which.

..............................

I think I shall leave it as it is first la.

I'll decide later. Maybe it's time to think.

arghh!!
(even this kind of thing can give you headache? duh!)

a wind of change

i need a change

first thing first

well, first of all, i think i shall change this blog's header. it's too big it's taking a lot of space. maybe just a reduce in size is acceptable. hmmm...

actually i was thinking of changing the name and address itselt, but somehow... maybe later i guess.

****************************************

I got a class today. well, i don't want to waste the class' fee right?
Anyhow, I'm still stuck here on the bed, browsing thru the internet. hmm....

I need to go back to my hometown today. I got appointment. which is not mine. which is not interesting at all.
urgh pegi tgk org kawin bukan seronok pun...
well, tapi dah janji.
then i need to stop by at my sis' place, to check on my niece.
i guess she got high fever.... pity her. no wonder i didn't hear her voice at all last time when i call. she was admitted to hospital and warded for 2 days.
wonder how bad was she...

****************************************

I got addicted to a guy's blog.
I wonder how he look like... :) ;)

****************************************

~~today is another day, live it as you've never live it before~~

give me the rainbow, so i can feel some happiness

i don't know why, but feeling is not something i can easily explain

i don't know why, but i do feel useless at times

i don't know why, but dear i do miss you so bad sometimes. i believe i just miss your species

i don't know whether i'm lonely or not...

and i certainly don't know if i really need somebody besides myself

I wish I could have the rainbow, but can it bring me happiness?

I wish I have tonnes of money, but can money really buy everything?

I wish all my dreams will come true, that'll be nice

and I wish, I can turn back time, to undo all my mistake, and do the things I'm supposed to do...

but life has to go on........


(deep down my black heart, I wish he don't find happiness at all, cause I can't bring myself do something bad to him, but I also want him to suffer although I'm totally over him)

message of the day

Life is short,
Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance

enjoy! :)

No Regrets

I shouldn't have any regrets.

This what i told myself time after time.
Cause I've already think about my decision over and over again most of the time. Even though I have the tendency to act on impulse...

I bought myself a new handphone.
Sony Ericson W705
I like that phone, true!
But I trade in my precious beloved handphone for RM350 only!
On my!
Seeing my dianaE51 for the last time really break my heart.
The feeling that I will never ever see it again really hit me.
The feeling that I'll never ever gonna hold it in my palm again...
The weight i produce, and how it fit in my palm...
The nice color it has. All the feature it has...
My 4G micro SD memory card!
And I sell it for RM350 only!
The camera is still very good. It has a very clear, good sound...
I should be able to get a much better price for it.
Why do I go with my impulse to go immediately grab that offer?
That's not the best offer I can get!
I'm doing injustice to my beloved dianaE51.
How can I do that to you, and to myself...?

Good bye my dear...
I shouldn't have ANY regrets! SHOULDN'T!!
I'm being overreacted, I know, but.....
I think this is the feeling of losing something/someone important maybe...

Maybe I should start anew... the hell with all the sms from him before
I need to lost all that for me to move on maybe...
Maybe it's all for the better

But I still miss my dianaE51 dearly
can I just mourn for it...?

I took a picture of the last minutes I ever lay my eyes on it again, but I'm unable to upload it yet...
Life's full of sorrow, and regrets... and I wish I don't have too many....

blogger yang penat

aku penat hari nih
penat je datang awl (tak la awal sgt pun)
penat wat report yang banyak (mmg bnyk pun)
penat baca blog (hehe.... bnyk blog)
penat chatting
penat pakai baju kebaya (hehe.. hehe)

aku pun penat nak fikir apa nak tulis sebenarnya... hahahah.....
tp tgk blogger2 tuh cambest jer citer diorg

lantak lah

esok2 tulis lagik.

" your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself"

Sehari di Bukit Cerakah (Taman Pertanian Bukit Cahaya Seri Alam)

Plan untuk ke Genting terpaksa di batalkan kerana ketiadaan pengangkutan!

Kemudian untuk tidak menghampakan diri masing-masing kami pun bercadang untuk pergi ke Bukit Cerakah Shah Alam.
Bukan pilihan yang terbijak, pada musim cuti sekolah ni.

Tiada basikal untuk di naiki...

Kelewatan bas....

Cuaca yang sangat panas....

Apa-apa pun kami bercadang untuk memastikan persinggahan kami ke Bukit Cerakah berbaloi :)

After 1 year.....

after 1 year......

well, i don't really know what to write in this entry.
It was last week that i realize that it has been 1 year since I start this blog. Means that it has been 1 year since he ditched me. It has been 1 year since I feel so.... It all happen 1 year ago...
Sometimes I just wonder if I really miss him... But, recently I keep thinking of him. Wonder how he has been doing.
Sometimes I just don't care.
Whatever..

I think that I'm happier these days... Can be seen by my increasing weight. :)

I've been wanting the break-up long before that, but I just cannot accept that he's the one leaving me. Because all this while, he have kept telling me don't go..... &#!+

Whatever...

Break-up really do me good :)
I got to do thing which I'm unable to do before.
I got time for things I've never have time for before.
I don't have headache for the stupid relationship anymore.
All and all, I think I'm happy.

But to forgive him..... never....

~the day when the glory of youth leave you~

it is a hot day, and i feel so sleepy i can't help it.
it is then i decided to write something in my blog. the blog that i've quite forgotten for quite some times...

why today suddenly i'm writing about the glory of youth?
well it maybe because of what i encounter during lunch today.
i was having my lunch @ ani sup utara today. alone. (yes, it's normal). and i saw a group of student having their meal in front of me. there are 10 of them. some wearing their uni shirt. 5 girls and 5 boys. i dont think they are all couples, not saying that. they maybe some study group, or assignment group juz finish discussion and decided to have lunch together.
it makes me think of my student year. how i miss those days.
then it struck me. how old could this group of student be? cannot be more than 21 right? it's almost 10 years my junior! and seeing them make me feel old, spent.

try thinking of my achievement... hmm, not much.
how about my experience?... hmm, not so much nice one
friends? .....got quite a few. but, i can't seem to figure what are they up to these days

it make me think again (again....). have i waste my youth with something not meaningful?
then, i decide that i must do everything i plan to do before. there shouldn't be any regret in life. i don't want to grow old regretting many things.
i haven't had my swim lesson (well, juz enroll in a class last week. yeay!!). havn't climb the gunung kinabalu, gunung than, gunung jerai... not even gunung nuang! i decide that i shouldn't wait for all these people, i should go for what i wanted.

this is one quote i decide will work for me for now.
"learn new thing every month"
so, i've enroll in a swimming class. i've decided that i'm going to find a mandarin class later, then a kick-boxing or martial art class. well, one class for one or two month only! ~limited budget ler~ :P

well, it's all for now i guess.
i've decided to put a daily quote (well, per entry post only. not necessarily daily) for every post. so, here goes...

quote for today:
"choose a positive thought. the conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time"