Fireworks - Katy Perry

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, oh
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, oh
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

friday, but i don't feel the vibe

Actually, i really really really don't feel like going to work this morning. I don't know why, but i just feel too lazy, too tired, too....

It's already 9 and i haven't even finish ironing!

I vomitted alot last night and i don't know why. Am i sick or did i eat something which i'm not supposed to?

Can i take the day off? Can i take mc today....?

*****************************************************
i took half day off due to my laziness! haha.

is dec always so busy?

I'm wondering, is december always so busy? Why so busy?

Dear mr someone. I don't know you very well. So, i wonder why u would like to play game with my heart. Sigh.

satu hari di hari raya...

suatu hari di hari raya...

Me: Wah, Amira.. pandai la amira wat sudoku. nnt boleh la amira masuk pertandingan. Nanti kalau menang mak ngan bagi Ya hadiah, ye?

Amira: Ok.. Tapi kita rasa, bilik kita tu dah penuh la dengan hadiah.

Me: Kalau macam tu tak payah la mak ngan bagi hadiah lagi.

Amira: tapi.. tapi kita rasa ada kosong sikit lagi la mak ngah. boleh letak lagi hadiah.

Me: hahahaha...

*****************************************************************

Amira: Saya kesian dengan ayah saya.

Me: Kenapa?

Amira: Kesian dengan ayah saya dia tak raya. Dia keje. Saya pun kesian dekat makcik uda, dia pun tak raya. kesian dia..

Me: haha... alahai...

*****************************************************************

before best actress @ FFM

iklan Mcd 2001. baru perasan itu lisa surihani! hehe

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!

I'm thinking of saying this to someone. but I guess, he just don't give a damn also about me.

.

just me ranting~

I feel sooo bad sometimes.

I feel so jealous looking at other people and find them having a good life. smooth life.
true, I dont know for sure how good their life is.
I don't know for sure what difficulties they are facing.
sometimes i just feel so give up with this life i'm leading.
I think I tried hard enuf. i've tried my best but still....
I don't know, is my life is just not blessed?

I alwiz say that I don't care, but lately I've been feeling it.
It is human nature right, to feel loved and cared for. especially a woman like me. (I'm a woman right. no longer a girl. but the sound of it just a little bit weird :P)
At times I just feel like saying this to him. (is it just him, why do I feel something for someone else currently.... it really makes me feel upset. :( )
I feel sad sometimes to go back to my hometown after my younger sister got married recently.
I feel how wonderful it is if I got my own kids. I wanna go home and see them grow up. Then grow old with them, with my loved one. I'm just not lucky enuf to find someone who would love me as much.... :( :( :(
and this feeling is too much lately...

*oh, this gonna be a bit long I think**

I go see my fren's facebook and all... and find mostly have their own business or hobby or something that they can be proud of.
and me? I have nothing. I can't even do my own set of teeth after the accident. do my lasik. buy my own house. or even own a better car. I can't even afford a nice vacation, a hobby or something... all I have is a big debt. which growing....... :( :(
even the fren which make me in such a big debt is having her big business now.
I don't know... don't I try hard enough? Or am I just not lucky? Or am I damned?.......

I was a smart girl in school. I was the best student. I win many competition.
I don't want to involve in love while studying. I am afraid that I will flop. my parents is expecting the best from me. I was afraid that I might do something which I will regret and sinful.
yet... I don't know why it turned out this way....
those kids which do not perform so well in school is doing much better than me now. have a happy family, and did not carry out the big sins. They are the one who flirt and have so much 'love' relationship during school, being socialize....

work have not been easy on me also.
Before this I was so jealous with my friend for having such nice job, with nice pay, with great satisfaction.
But I was thinking maybe I was not thankful enuf, so I learn to accept that.
My life is like that, my job is like that, so all I can do is make the best of it...
But still, after try so hard, and put so much on works, I still.....
I think I put too much on my job already. I work daily till very late. I work from home, I work even during weekend.
but still.... still seems not enuf. what shall I do... what shall I do...?

I just don't understand.
I just hope I can overcome this.
But how to reverse something you can't reverse? Undo things you have done?

If my life is to be a bad one, let me have a good afterlife....
please..........

:( :( ;(

~in teary mode~

One mistake can cost too many

i never thought that one mistake is sooooo costly.
i made one decision mistake before and they haunted me for 5 years!
one thing lead to another, and the cost accumulated as much as possible...
sigh~

i made another mistake,
in choosing my life path.
it cost me my life, my future...
if only i can turn back time....
sigh~

sigh-ing is not good!
but i just don't have any other choice.
i believe that i will be able to get out of this mess i created,
but i just need some time...

life is not easy, but it is what make the life exciting..
life is challenging, but it is what make the life meaningful...

sukarnya~

susahnya....
macamana nak aku tinggalkan anasir-anasir yang mengganggu hidup ni?
kenapa datang kembali setelah dibuang?

kenapa sukar sgt nak bg dia faham?
dia ingat suka-suka dia boleh buang dan ambil macam tu. macam anak patung? macam takde perasaan? macam kayu?
dia boleh buang bila-bila, boleh ambil bila-bila....

atau aku yang tak dapat bertegas?
atau aku yang beri harapan?
atau aku yang bersalah, yang lemah, yang tak berdaya?
atau aku yang sangat bodoh dalam hal ini?

aku cuma nak beri dia 2 pilihan.
ini saja pilihan aku.

tapi aku dah takde perasaan lagi. aku tak mau jumpa dia lagi. jadi kenapa?
kenapa?....

tuhan, jangan duga aku sebegini berat lagi. aku ingin kembali ke jalan yang benar.....
;(

..............................................

today is so .."speachless"...

aku dapat tau, inspection next week 16~18 aug kena pegi sendiri, naik airasia, turun SHENZHEN! pukul 8MLM!! argh! tertekan betul
tu flight yg sama yg kak ros tuh. tensen btl la.
aku dgr citer, safidah pun kena jugak, tp tak la sampai kena bukak baju, pegi hospital mcm kak ros...
lepas tu yg buat aku tertekan, client ni yg sgt hampeh. benci betul. susah betul nak bekerja sama... kalau aku taknak ppegi mcmana?? boleh tak? biar padan muka dia. benci dia!

*********************************************************************************
tghari td terpaksa kuar pegi amik gambar. nak buat visa. visa dah mati dan dah terlupa macamana nak buat.. isi borang semua.
tensen, lupa nak cari gmbr lama. terpaksa amik gambar baru. sebab nak pegi masalam, so aku decide pegi masalam je amik gambar. tgh marah, nasib baik muka masih cun. hehe.... :P

**********************************************************************************
sampai2 masalam masuk parking sekali ada lori blok jalan pulak! aku pun tak tau, ptt aku teruskan atau reverse balik. tapi takkan nak reverse sejauh2 tuh? tak logik kan? nak lalu mcm bahaya je lampu2 bawah pokok tuh. last2 aku igt gamble je la lalu. nasib baik boleh dan nasib baik selamat... tapi buang masa aku betul! then bila cari parking tah bukan main jauh kena pegi! kat hujung lak tuh. nasib baik masih blh msk walaupun susah. nak keluar parking bukan main jauh! tah apa-apa parking masalm nih.

***********************************************************************************
makan kat old town white coffee masalam. tak sedap! tak abis!

***********************************************************************************
paling geram aku hari ni dgn CDM (cash deposit machine) kat HSBC masalam. bengang betul la! kalau takleh duit baru knp yg lain2 masuk?
so, tak dpt aku bayar full payment sebab ke-bangangan CDM tuh! guard tu siap suh aku tukar duit. mesti la aku hangin. last2 aku blh je walaupun lom wat full payment utk semua bil.
*^&@%^$%$@#&(*#&^%%^ betul la CDM tuh! aku benci! dah lipat bujur melintang menegak, semua takleh! benci!

***********************************************************************************
aku betul2 rasa taknak g inspection tuh. benci dgn company tuh.
***********************************************************************************
mr U call aku. dia skt pun tak tny kabar aku. yg penting apa yg dia nak je dpt. yg penting, pasal dia je. aku kata dia tak tny pun skt pun walaupun aku ckp sgt upset. then dia pura2 la tny dgn suara mengada2 dia. mesti la aku tak nak jawab! then dia kata dia sgt letih hr nih. aku mls nak tny. dia kata aku tak tny pun, aku ckp la sbb dia tak tny aku pun. dia kata ldy biasanya lebih care. tettttt!!!! wrong answer. lagi la aku benci. bukan ke dlm sesuatu hubungan, mesti ada give and take. mesti care for each other. share each other's pain. aku benci betul bila guys start to be selfish. but they are always like that. i just hope they do care for people that they care...

parking PKNS rm6? baik pegi jln TAR ke KLCC mcm ni!

aku rasa pakcik tu tipu...
mana mungkin harga parking dari pukul 5 ptg sampai 10mlm boleh jadi rm6??!
dah la parking luar, takde bumbung, jauh, takde cctv...

kalau betul pakcik tu tipu memang tak halal duit parking tuh. aku sampai skrg tak blh lupa kemarahan aku.
tulis kat luar tu, sekali masuk rm1 la kan?! memang marah giler.

sudah la pakcik, sampai mati aku takmo parking situ lagi!

thinking out loud~

i believe that it's human nature to choose good over bad, beauty over ugly, clean over dirty... but I still can't figure out why are people so easily tempted to do bad / wrong thing even tho' we know it is wrong..?

This is applicable to me as weel.. actually, it's more to me than to anyone else. I can't figure out why do i still considering meeting someone I shouldn't?

ya Allah, help me...
protect me from doing something bad..
protect me from doing the wrong thing...

help me to find someone...

viva espana

world cup final is tonite.
holland vs spain

i'll be rooting for spain all the way.

viva Espana!

********************************

leaving for thailand tomorow morning
actually it's this morning

i'm not ready and i find that there's too many things pending

the manufacturer also didn't carry out certain testing which i found they should have

i hope everything will be fine...
i hope so

thinking of thailand, i only can think of big summer hat, i don't know why :)

world cup 2010 kick-off

it is fifa world cup 2010 kick-off game tonite. south africa vs mexico.

I watch the first 20minutes only and dozed off the remaining of the game.
A bit wasted for the excitement build up for so long. huhu...

but I just get the result now.
it's 1-1 for final score.

not bad for South Africa.


it's france game this morning at 2.30am
but they don't have it covered on national tv.
Aish. aish.
well, it's either read the live reporting or just wait for tomorrow's result la.

and tomorrow I'd like to do my fasting.
I hope I can withstand it as I need to go to office also.

well, signing off for this morning.
just feel like I haven't write for quite sometimes...

ini entry bengang

aku dah rasa macam buat tesis lak pagi pagi buta still tak tido lagi.
dulu masa buat tesis pun takde macam nih. ni yang buat aku rasa nak sambung belajar nih.

usaha keras aku nih, sampai pagi-pagi buta bukan ada orang tau ye tak?
boss langsung la jangan harap. tapi aku memang bengang betul la ada ke patut aku rasa dia macam nak cari salah aku je.

BANGANG!!

ada ke, tak pasal-pasal, tak patut dia suka-suka add apa2 tah hapa2 kat aku punya recommendation.
memang bangang!!
kalau 'akak' tu punya langsung la dia tak peduli. padahal orang tu selalu je banyak salah pun!!
aku sangat-sangat geram nih.
apahal dia nak tambah-tambah kat marking nih?? sebelum ni mana ada??? weh, geram betul la. diorang2 ni yg lain tak pandai baca ke apa?
tengok sendiri la. kalau orang kata dah ada tu dah ada la.
BODOH!!

saja nak buat aku sakit hati. kalau usaha aku yg lebih2 ni dihargai takpe la jugak.
ni keje macam nak pensgsan orang tak nampak pun.

aku betul betul betul betul sakit hati.

p/s: aku tak tau nak letak tajuk apa. suka-suka letak tajuk je

your life number

dari hasil penjumlahan angka tanggal lahirmu dapat diketahui bahw...a angka kehidupanmu adalah 4. Berikut ini adalah analisa sifatmu dari angka 4 tsb:
Kamu selalu berharap banyak dari diri sendiri, sama seperti kamu berharap banyak dari orang lain. Sebagai organisator dan perencana, kamu melihat persoalan dengan cara praktis. Punya kemauan kuat yang sering disalahtafsirkan sebagai sifat keras kepala. Kalau udah bikin ...keputusan, kamu akan langsung melaksanakannya sampai mencapai konklusi. Nggak peduli salah, benar, atau netral. Garis hidup 4 ini berhubungan dengan elemen bumi yang memberikan kekuatan dan perasaan realistis. Kalau sabar dan gigih, kamu bisa sukses besar! Sisi negatif kamu adalah terlalu dogmatis, berpandangan sempit, dan nggak fleksibel terhadap gagasan baru. Kamu nggak suka sama orang-orang yang superfisial, karena kamu sendiri terbuka dengan semua perasaan kamu. Selain itu, kamu cenderung terlibat dalam rutinitas yang monoton dan sering kurang tanggap dengan hal-hal yang lebih luas. Jadinya, kamu sering kehilangan banyak kesempatan besar.

hmm... how true is it? there are too many of this thing which I tried before and I'm not sure anymore.

Headstrong? well... I am. I'm not being misunderstood as one as I am a headstrong.. :)

And I am not a very good planner :p nah. so I'm not sure if this is actually correct or not.

Does it really show my life number...? I dont know...

thursday ~ 270510

Tak guna keta lawa dan best giler kalau tak pandai bwk keta. Sekian terima kasih.
- sebab ada pemandu sengal yang tak pandai kereta. harap je kereta lawa. sengal!

Its funny how we fight.
-suddenly i found it very funny how we fight. and in the end nobody win. well, actually he always win. but I'm determine to win this time.

bosannya facebook hari nih.
- apahal takde org hr nih. takde status best2.. takde komen2 best2... peminat2 juga tiada....

please make my thursday a good one.
- hopefully i manage to complete most of my task. hopefuly I manage to have a good day also...

Born in April

Sifat orang yang lahir pada bulan April biasanya:
1: Sangat aktif dan dinamik.
- I think I do. Active & dynamic even though not really showed..

2: Cepat bertindak membuat keputusan tetapi cepat menyesal.
- Am I?... I'm not sure but at times I did regret on my decision... hmm...

3: Sangat menarik dan pandai menjaga diri.
- Hahaha... lately I feel so. :D

4: Punya daya mental yang sangat kuat.
- Always do. always do..

5: Suka diberi perhatian.
- I don't think so. I like to remain anonymous... but I like to stand-out from others. being unique..

6: Sangat diplomatik (pandai memujuk ).
- Possible. But maybe I havn't develop it yet :P

7: Berkawan dan pandai menyelesaikan masalah orang.
- haha... got tonnes of my unsolved. be friendly? I think I' a lone ranger most of the time, independent, but being with friend is also appealing to me. Means I can be with or without friend. No problem.

8: Sangat berani dan tiada perasaan takut.
- Well... what can I say. People say that I'm too berani... always get this kind of advise. Ko jgn berani-berani sangat... Watching horror movie is one of my hobby. Adventurous? Well, what else to explain all the scar and accident I involve in?

9: Suka perkara yang mencabar, pengasih, penyayang, sopan santun dan pemurah
- I like aadventurous thing and to challange myself. See how far can I go. At the same time, my value is still maintained.. :) sopan-santun, loveable, kind-hearted, etc etc... :)

10: Emosi cepat terusik.
- I don't think so. being me, don't allow me to do so. Growing up in my situation and environment making me a cold-hearted sometimes.

11: Cuba kawal perasaan.
- Yes I do. I don't get emotionally involve so easily.

12: Kecenderungan bersifat pendendam.
- Very true... very-very true... I'm still trying to be more forgiveable..

13: Agresif dan kelam kabut dalam membuat keputusan.
- hastily

14: Kuat daya ingatan.
- I think so..

15: Gerak hati yang sangat kuat.
- Good insticnt? Not sure.

16: Pandai mendorong diri sendiri dan memotivasikan orang lain.
- Yes. I'm a positive person. and I believe by being positive you will be able to make yourself feel better and you will be able to achieve more. rather than grieving...

Well, some is quite true, but some is not. but I think based on his pemerhatian and kajian, this is well, almost describe me. and maybe others too...

upset :|

I'm very upset due to this particular reason.
I've been delaying the work until I cannot delay it anymore.

Nak cepat-cepat, tapi menyusahkan org.
Org ajar degil pulak tak nak dengar.
Suruh wat list bagi senang pun tak paham.

Geram.

lain kali kalau nak menyusahkan orang tu tolong paham sikit ye.
lain kali tu kalau orang ajar tu sila la jgn degil sangat, sila la jgn sombong sangat.

being older doesn't mean you are automatically wiser. maybe you are expert in one area but in other you no nothing.

ah~ anyhow I still have to continue the work.
This is 2.42am in the morning and I need to be early tomorrow. sigh~~

Ya Allah give me some strength.

jam biologi

omg.
apa aku buat pukul 5.50 lom tido nih?
azan subuh dah masuk. sembahyang dulu baru tido?
then, pukul berapa nak pegi keje...? adoi la.

notakaki: aku lom jumpa resit, mcmana nak buat e-filing. instead aku wat benda2 yg tak berkaitain. owh~~

pantry & ikan laga

Kat opis kami ada pantri.
hari ni aku masuk utk breakfast mcm biasa....
Di pantri office kami ada 2 ekor ikan laga, tp akak tu letak dalam 1 balang.
Kesian, br 2 hari dah koyak rabak ekor.
Skrg pun dok kejar-kejar. Takut isnin nanti tinggal seekor je...


Sian...






... dah bgtau kat akak tuh, dia kata takpe ni dah tak kejar-kejar dah. adoi la...

further study

i'd like to further my study. really really.

first i don't know whether to continue in engineering field or science or business and management

then i'm not sure about my pocket capability

then, i dno't know about my time management ability

but then again, i'd really like to continue...

really really..

Insomnia

I think I'm suufering from insomnia, and from wikipedia, it maybe falls under terminal (or late) insomnia.
Here is something about the insomnia and what are the possible causes.

Terminal (or late) insomnia - early morning waking. Often a characteristic of clinical depression.

Then let see what is clinical depression.

Major depressive disorder (also known as clinical depression, major depression, unipolar depression, or unipolar disorder) is a mental disorder characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.

Which I think I have...
Then, let us see some sign and symptoms.

Major depression is a serious illness that affects a person's family and personal relationships, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health.[1] Its impact on functioning and well-being has been equated to that of chronic medical conditions such as diabetes.[2]

A person suffering a major depressive episode usually exhibits a very low mood, which pervades all aspects of life, and an inability to experience pleasure in activities that formerly were enjoyed. Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred.[3] In severe cases, depressed people may have symptoms of psychosis. These symptoms include delusions or, less commonly, hallucinations, usually of an unpleasant nature.[4] Other symptoms of depression include poor concentration and memory (especially in those with melancholic or psychotic features),[5] withdrawal from social situations and activities, reduced sex drive, and thoughts of death or suicide.

Insomnia is common among the depressed. In the typical pattern, a person wakes very early and is unable to get back to sleep.[6] Hypersomnia, or oversleeping, is less common.[6] Appetite often decreases, with resulting weight loss, although increased appetite and weight gain occasionally occur.[3] The person may report multiple physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, or digestive problems; physical complaints are the most common presenting problem in developing countries, according to the World Health Organization's criteria for depression.[7] Family and friends may notice that the person's behavior is either agitated or lethargic.[6]

Depressed children often display an irritable rather than a depressed mood,[3] and show varying symptoms depending on age and situation.[8] Most exhibit a loss of interest in school and a decline in academic performance. They may be described as clingy, demanding, dependent, or insecure.[6] Diagnosis may be delayed or missed when symptoms are interpreted as normal moodiness.[3] Depression may also coincide with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), complicating the diagnosis and treatment of both.[9]

Older depressed persons may have cognitive symptoms of recent onset, such as forgetfulness,[5] and a more noticeable slowing of movements.[10] Depression often coexists with physical disorders common among the elderly, such as stroke, other cardiovascular diseases, Parkinson's disease, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.[11]

Well, I do have history of diabetes within close family members. But not on the psychosis. I dont think I have it that bad.

Should I start getting some treatment? I hope I can overcome my insomnia soon, and be happy again and enjoying my life...